If a comparison had to be made, I would liken my own conversion most to that of the Apostle Paul’s. Though there were, of course, some notable differences between us two.
When I came to faith in the Lord Jesus, there was no “light from heaven” that engulfed me and no mighty voice that shook me, as was the case in Paul’s encounter with the living Christ (Acts 9:3-6). Unlike Paul who was on the road to Damascus, I was in a humble church pew; and any light or voice that flooded over me that evening took place in the innermost parts of my soul, unbeknownst to any other save the Lord and I.
And yet, me and Paul share this much in common: upon conversion, we both saw ourselves in the vice-grip of Christ’s sovereign Lordship over our souls. Upon seeing the Lord Jesus for the first time with renewed hearts, our response was much the same - “Who are you, Lord?” (Acts 9:5). We did not know the Lord up to this juncture, for we had been fleeing from Him all our lives, but upon seeing Jesus one thing above all else was made immediately clear: He was Lord.
Like Isaiah, both Paul and I declared in our hearts, “my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts!” (Isaiah 6:5). It was a moment I shall never forget; an hour of great trembling that was at the same time swaddled in the deepest of comforts my soul had ever known. It was as though I had been stirred from a mighty slumber, awoken at last to the reality of Christ’s rule, reign, and deep love for me. My conversion was not unlike this scene from C.S. Lewis’ Prince Caspian,
“Lucy woke out of the deepest sleep you can imagine, with a feeling that the voice she liked best in the world had been calling to her...”
Though, for all the sweetness of the moment, there was yet fear and trembling. A Godly, healthy fear, yes, but fear nonetheless. I was in the presence of the King, the LORD of hosts, and my soul for the very first time knew it; how could I not tremble? In this way, I cannot quite empathize with those who say of their conversion, “I put my faith in Jesus and asked Him to come into my heart.” I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a hundred times, but perhaps one more time will do: I did not want to become a Christian. It was only when I saw the beauty and love and lordship of King Jesus, coupled with the horror of my own sin and it’s just punishment, that I ran to Him with everything I was and thrust myself upon His promise to forgive, cleanse, and justify. Indeed, to bring another Paul into this conversion, Washer speaks of the second birth in this way:
“The question is not whether you would like to pray this prayer and ask Jesus to come into your heart - after all, you know, the handle to your heart is on the inside and if you do not open it Jesus cannot come in. My friend, Jesus is Lord of your heart and if He wants to come in, He will kick the door down.”
Though we are commanded to respond to the Lord in faith and obedience, turning to Him in repentance, let us always remember that it is not we who chose Him, but He who chose us (John 15:16). If God neglected to act first, no person would ever call upon Him for salvation from the wrath to come. In the death of Jesus, the curtain of the temple separating sinful man from most holy God was torn in two, not from the bottom of the curtain to the top, but “from top to bottom” (Matthew 27:51). It was the Lord’s doing, not ours.
Each and every day, we live in the light of this glorious reality, in the very light of the Gospel. As Christians, the eternal truths of the Bible can too easily grow dim in our sight if we fail to meditate on their depths. For while “we have this treasure in jars of clay” (2 Corinthians 4:7), awaiting the full realization of our salvation to come, let us look to Him, the King, the LORD of hosts.
Over the past week, my heart has drawn profound comfort from Paul’s words in 2 Corinthians 2:14-16,
“But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of Him everywhere. For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing, to one a fragrance from death to death, to the other a fragrance from life to life. Who is sufficient for these things?”
When the Apostle Paul was stopped in his tracks on the road to Damascus by the resurrected Christ, he cried out, “Who are you, Lord?” Paul saw the Lord, the King, and responded accordingly. By comparison, though Paul’s companions saw a great light and heard a voice, Christ was revealed in that moment to His servant Paul, and Paul only. The men on the road with Paul saw a light and heard a voice, but could not discern the voice and form of the Lord Jesus Christ Himself.
So it is with us in this world. The Lord Jesus is the once and future King, reigning both now and in the ages to come, without end. He is the King of kings and the Lord of lords “among those who are being saved”, all the while His sovereign rule is hidden for a time from “among those who are perishing.” As joyful slaves to a perfect Master, we as Christians are being led in a triumphal procession through the halls, kingdoms, highways, and byways of this world, proclaiming the matchless aroma of Him who saved us for Himself. Like a conquering general, the Lord is leading His redeemed people on route to the Heavenly City through this world of death and decay. As captives of Christ’s grace, Christians are to be proclaiming His Gospel on our way home, warning of His wrath to come and inviting all to join in the triumphal procession.
The world may shun our praises of the Lord, and we will surely be mocked for our devotion to Christ, but be of good cheer - the battle is already won. God has overcome the world, the flesh, and the devil. Though it may not always seem like it, nothing will tamper with the reality that Jesus Christ is the once and future King - “who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty” (Revelation 1:8).
Photo by Carlos N. Cuatzo Meza, Unsplash
If anyone cares to read the full testimony of how I came to faith in the Lord Jesus, you can find it in my post “A Word Fitly Spoken” by following the link in the button below.
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